Olivia’s foundation of support
When Olivia Mullan talks about her five-year-old son, William, her eyes light up.
“He's the most amazing thing I've ever done. He's a ball of energy. He's smart, he's caring. He's creative and he loves doing things like Lego and playing. He's happiest being outside; running, jumping, riding his bike, scootering.”
Olivia was 36 when she decided to have a baby on her own.
“I’m from a big family and I knew I didn’t want to miss out on having children. I was at a stage in my life where I didn’t have a partner, so I went down the IVF track.
“It was an easy decision. I thought I’d have a baby, have the best year of my life, then get back to work. And for the first six or seven weeks, that's exactly how it was.”
It was when visiting family in Sydney that things started to change for Olivia.
“I started really worrying about SIDS and William dying in different situations. I'd see him blue in the cot, or I'd see me bathing him and accidentally dropping him. It was never an intentional process. I didn't have feelings of intentionally harming him. It was just a 'what could happen, what if’. It played in my head like a loop recording.
“I didn't speak to anyone about it. I told myself it was fine. I'm independent and I've never really asked for help. It wasn't until I got the point where it was all-consuming that I wasn't able to function. I knew I needed help.”
Reaching out for help
Olivia turned to her sister Zarnie, who was one of the founding members of Gidget Foundation Australia – an organisation dedicated to raising awareness of Perinatal Depression and Anxiety.
“Knowing Zarnie’s ties to the Gidget Foundation, I called her straight away. She told me to go straight to the baby clinic, so I did and she came and picked me up. From there, it just deteriorated to the point that I wasn't sleeping and wasn't eating. I was terrified, I needed to sit up and watch him 24/7, nobody could do it. And this all happened in a 72-hour period.”
Thanks to Zarnie’s intimate knowledge of services for women, Olivia found the care she needed and was admitted to a specialist unit in Sydney with severe perinatal anxiety.
“Mum had to stay with me for the first week because I wasn't able to function. I remember lying in the bed and just wanting to hide under the blanket the entire time and being terrified I was going to hurt William. But once the right medication kicked in, I really felt so much better and I was able to support the other women there.”
Upon discharge, Olivia accessed support through the Gidget Foundation, including weekly psychology appointments.
New understanding
Olivia says that while people are talking about perinatal depression and anxiety more now than in the past, it can still be stigmatising.
“Mental health as a whole, regardless of what spectrum it's on, is very stigma-attached. I wish more people knew about it. For example, nobody told me that I was the highest category for perinatal or post-natal depression and anxiety. I was over 36, it was an IVF conception, I was a full-time working professional and I was a single mum. Those are the top four factors for developing a perinatal anxiety or depression. Once that was recognised, it kind of made sense that I would experience those symptoms but I just didn’t realise.
“When one person in a friend group starts talking about it, people feel they can open up. I've talked about my experiences with friends because I want it to be a teaching tool for others. If me talking about it lets other people talk, that's success. And I’m happy to share my story with the Gidget Foundation. Basically, whatever they need me to do, I will do it. They have made me a Gidget Angel and I’m really thankful for that.”
Olivia’s advice for staying mentally well includes talking time for self-care, good nutrition and exercise.
“And before having a baby, arm yourself with knowledge. Educate yourself about things that you or your partner can do to support each other through the new parenting process. Take help when it’s offered and use the resources available to you. There's no need to do this in isolation.
“Above all, give yourself a break. Who cares if your hair's not washed for a week? Who cares if your house is messy? Are you having a good experience? Are you loving your child? It's about enjoying that experience. You need to ease up on yourself and talk to people when you need it.”
To access local support services please call our Central Access and Navigation team on 1800 931 603 or email can@mphn.org.au. This is not an emergency or crisis service and is available during the business hours of Monday to Friday between 9am and 5pm. For more information on local services click here.
The Australian Government resource Head to Health has digital mental health and wellbeing resources, for you or someone you care about – visit headtohealth.gov.au.
Anyone who is experiencing a mental health emergency (themselves or others) should call Mental Health Line 1800 011 511, Lifeline 13 11 14 or call 000.